Tag Archives: School

Still here.

I’ve been going through a bit of a struggle personally. I don’t mean to use this post as a way to just whine about my problems, more of a reminder to myself that I’m still here and have a voice. It seems to be my natural inclination during times like this to retreat into my head and keep to myself. This isolation technique doesn’t necessarily produce happy results. So here I am, with possibly nothing amazing to say, but I’m saying it all the same. I think it helps to get through the dreariness and despair by opening up more and sharing your voice. Thanks for listening. 🙂

Yesterday, I found this blog, “The One Minute Writer”. I think it’s such a lovely, low-pressure idea; to just spend one minute of your day writing/journaling. Today’s prompt was “Describe your life or current situation using exactly six words.” The first 6 words that come to mind are “I wish I was in school.”

Although I’m very happy that Jordan is doing so well in school to prepare for our future, it has brought on a fair amount of jealousy, which I haven’t exactly worked through. I’ve never been good at not comparing myself to others, and perhaps this is really the prime opportunity for me to learn that skill. But then again, it’s that comparison which is a chief motivator in our current arrangement for me to work and pay the bills, while Jordan works in school to pay the future bills.

I guess sometimes it feels like the current state of my life has precious little meaning and it sort of feels like I’ve lost my voice. Perhaps this partially comes from throwing out my voice in favor of projecting the voice of a giant corporation for 40 hours a week. Then I remember that my situation isn’t unique and certainly there are less cushy jobs than mine out there that other people manage to thrive in. Why is it such a struggle for me? Is it actually my job at all that’s bringing me down?

I see Jordan challenging himself through these difficult classes and I desperately long for that kind of stimulation. What wouldn’t I give to be able to drop all my responsibilities and pursue my education with everything that I have? The other day I was researching colleges that I’d love to attend and it was exciting for a moment, but then reality sunk in. I remembered that full-time education won’t really be an option for me for another 3 years, provided everything goes according to plan with Jordan’s education.

I’m willing to admit that perhaps there is some flawed logic in my thinking. Perhaps things aren’t all gloom and doom and I can find better opportunities now, rather than waiting 3 years. Maybe I’m just in a negative head space that I need to escape from. Perhaps there is a compromise that will work for me. I want to be able to see the opportunities that are presently available to me and make the most out of them, rather than viewing these next three years as some sort of prison sentence.

Regardless, I’m still here.

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What Makes Me Happy

1. Ai Wei Wei

This Chinese artist is just so inspiring. The pieces he designs are so moving, but even more than that, the love that he has for his people and his country is what makes me admire him so much. If you haven’t seen it, go check out “Ai Wei Wei: Never Sorry” on Netflix. You won’t regret it.
Ai Wei Wei

2. Long Walks

I just love going for walks. Walks provide a sense of clarity that I just can’t get anywhere else. It’s like I’m able to just take some time for myself and focus on issues that I need to work out or dreams I want to pursue and such. If only ever long walk was on the beach… 🙂
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3. Reading with Jordan

I love reading a good book. Even more than that, I love reading good books aloud with a friend. Sharing a book with someone can be some of the best quality time spent together. It’s just so much fun to discuss the book while you’re going through it. You have someone to make predictions with and get involved with the story. Jordan and I had read the first book of the Hunger Games and enjoyed it, but had other books to read afterward that we were more excited about. About a week ago, Jordan and I saw the movie trailer for the second book, “Catching Fire” and it was just the motivation we needed to get back to reading the series. So far, I love it even more than the first book!
Catching-Fire

4. Colbert Report and The Daily Show with Jon Stewart

I probably couldn’t pick a favorite between the two of these guys. They each bring something different to the table. Between the two of them, they really make the news palatable.
Colbert and Jon Stewart

5. My Camera

Hands down my favorite toy that I own. I’m just so giddy about it and the pictures that it can take. I freaking love it. 🙂

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6. Adobe Photoshop, Illustrator, and Lightroom

Right alongside my love for my favorite toy, is my fascination with the Adobe Creative Suite. It’s just so amazing what this software can do. I just want to learn more and more!
Photoshop

7. Making Sushi

First of all, I LOVE sushi. Last year, I learned how to make sushi myself and since then, I’ve just become obsessed with the process. It’s a process that can take about 2 hours from start to finish to fully prepare so you’d think it would be kind of a pain to do very often, but it’s something I end up making about twice a week. I think that for me it’s kind of therapeutic. I just love all the little steps and finding the slight modifications that make the sushi that much better. 🙂
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8. Dreaming of Dreadlocks

I really loved my dreadlocks and wish that I could have kept them, but it just wasn’t meant to be. My hair was just too damaged and oddly colored that I needed that clean slate…. Now, my hair just can’t seem to grow fast enough and I’m getting more and more anxious to dread it. In the meanwhile, I love to find pictures of beautiful dreadlocks and plan out how exactly mine are going to be. Perhaps it’s a weird form of punishment to constantly remind myself that my hair isn’t ready, but it makes me happy to think about what will be someday… 🙂
Red Dreads

9. School

It’s just so nice to be back in school and pushing myself to learn and grow. I’d been out of school for about 6 years, so I was very out of practice. I’m not going to say that my technical writing class is the most exciting subject matter of all time, but I’m just really appreciating being in class, doing my homework, pushing myself to perform well and just being on campus in the student atmosphere.
Technical writing

10. Road Trips

I love being out on the road. In March, Jordan and I had a week to go on a trip. We didn’t have any concrete plans, so we just took to the road and just went wherever the wind took us. It was the most fun I’ve had in a long time. I think it’s the ideal way to travel for me. 🙂

Road Trip

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