Tag Archives: blogging

Still here.

I’ve been going through a bit of a struggle personally. I don’t mean to use this post as a way to just whine about my problems, more of a reminder to myself that I’m still here and have a voice. It seems to be my natural inclination during times like this to retreat into my head and keep to myself. This isolation technique doesn’t necessarily produce happy results. So here I am, with possibly nothing amazing to say, but I’m saying it all the same. I think it helps to get through the dreariness and despair by opening up more and sharing your voice. Thanks for listening. 🙂

Yesterday, I found this blog, “The One Minute Writer”. I think it’s such a lovely, low-pressure idea; to just spend one minute of your day writing/journaling. Today’s prompt was “Describe your life or current situation using exactly six words.” The first 6 words that come to mind are “I wish I was in school.”

Although I’m very happy that Jordan is doing so well in school to prepare for our future, it has brought on a fair amount of jealousy, which I haven’t exactly worked through. I’ve never been good at not comparing myself to others, and perhaps this is really the prime opportunity for me to learn that skill. But then again, it’s that comparison which is a chief motivator in our current arrangement for me to work and pay the bills, while Jordan works in school to pay the future bills.

I guess sometimes it feels like the current state of my life has precious little meaning and it sort of feels like I’ve lost my voice. Perhaps this partially comes from throwing out my voice in favor of projecting the voice of a giant corporation for 40 hours a week. Then I remember that my situation isn’t unique and certainly there are less cushy jobs than mine out there that other people manage to thrive in. Why is it such a struggle for me? Is it actually my job at all that’s bringing me down?

I see Jordan challenging himself through these difficult classes and I desperately long for that kind of stimulation. What wouldn’t I give to be able to drop all my responsibilities and pursue my education with everything that I have? The other day I was researching colleges that I’d love to attend and it was exciting for a moment, but then reality sunk in. I remembered that full-time education won’t really be an option for me for another 3 years, provided everything goes according to plan with Jordan’s education.

I’m willing to admit that perhaps there is some flawed logic in my thinking. Perhaps things aren’t all gloom and doom and I can find better opportunities now, rather than waiting 3 years. Maybe I’m just in a negative head space that I need to escape from. Perhaps there is a compromise that will work for me. I want to be able to see the opportunities that are presently available to me and make the most out of them, rather than viewing these next three years as some sort of prison sentence.

Regardless, I’m still here.

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Resolved

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It seems a pretty common perspective that New Years resolutions are a bit of a cliche. Most resolutions are forgotten about within a few weeks, and often much sooner than that. I can’t honestly say that I’m an exception to this really. However, I really do get a kick out of the excuse of a New Year to really give a good push toward a goal in my life. 

A few years back, I had gained a fair amount of weight and I used the New Year as an excuse to trim down. I lost about 50 pounds because of the resolve that I had from setting that goal. Sure, months down the road I did gain some of the weight back, but looking back, I don’t think that matters as much. I had found myself in a position where I was unhappy about my weight and lifestyle and was determined to do something about it. Although I didn’t initially keep all the weight off, I think that New Year’s resolution really made some positive changes in my life and kick started me onto a path towards healthy living.

This year, I have several things that I’m resolving to improve upon. Firstly, Something that’s really important to me is that I really want to blog more regularly.  Secondly, I want to be more crafty and finally make a dent in the long list of little projects that I want to do. Thirdly, I plan to do some cooking experiments and learn lots of new Vegan Recipes. And finally, I want to be going to school full time in the Spring.

This year seems so bright and exciting and full of fantastic possibilities. I’m really happy. 🙂

What are some of your New Year’s resolutions? Or are New Year’s resolutions not really your style?

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My Foray into a Vlogging Challenge

I’m always up for a challenge. In fact, I was struggling with ideas for my blog so I went looking for one! And it turned out that the challenge that intrigued me the most really wasn’t a blogging challenge, but a vlogging challenge: VEDA or “Vlog Every Day in August.” So instead of spending more time on my blog as I had originally intended, I spent much more time on YouTube.

Although I’ve been blogging for a little while now, I haven’t put forth many efforts in really putting myself out there and participating in online communities. To be honest, I’ve been a little intimidated by the idea. But I really wanted to stretch myself and see what could come of it.

I should probably just get over my silly social anxiety already because just choosing to be a part of this community was such a rewarding experience for me. And who knew it? Other internet people are pretty normal and cool! 🙂 Not nearly as scary as I’d built them up to be in my head.

So I took on the challenge and managed to post videos for about half of the month. But at about the half way point, I found myself feeling a little sad that I’d basically abandoned my blog for this project. Of course, some minor planning could have incorporated the two, but quite frankly, this has been a bit of a tumultuous month for me and I found that I just needed a break from everything.

So, now I feel rejuvenated and ready to come back to the world! For anyone who is interested in what I was up to in the month of August, I’ve included a playlist below of all my VEDA videos. This really was so much fun to try out and I’m happy to say that I’m already looking forward to VEDA 2014!

 

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Lessons….

ALWAYS BACK UP YOUR FILES!!!!! Unfortunately, I had to learn this lesson the hard way. 😦

I activated a new theme on my blog which caused everything to go haywire. When I couldn’t resolve things by normal means, I had to completely revert to an older version of WordPress. I didn’t think it would do any damage other than re-install the older software, but unfortunately, I lost the last three months of my blog.

I’ve grown quite attached to this little place that this upset me in a big way. In the last few days, I’ve managed to resurrect quite a few of my posts, but I’ve lost a lot. I’m very sorry for anyone whose comments have been erased in the process as well.

Boo!

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Disclaimer

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Anyone who’s been reading/watching my blog knows that I’ve recently started going back to church. For so long I haven’t wanted to go to church because, let’s face it- churches have problems. For now I’ve decided to continue going to church despite these problems or things I disagree with because I do believe that the practice of going to church will help me grow. I’m sure the church itself will teach me some things as well.

However… church can still really piss me off! And I don’t know a better way to vent my frustrations than blogging. Yes, yes, you heard me right. I’m planning a lot of future posts to be about my frustrations with church. Yes- I still plan on going to church despite these frustrations. I know that going to church will help me grow in one way or another. I just feel like it will be easier for me to maintain the church going if I can at least be honest and open about the experience somewhere. I’m also sure that these posts won’t all be negative either. Already I’ve had some really positive experiences that I would love to share. 

I’m not writing these posts to offend anyone. I know that when it comes to religion, it can get personal and people can get easily offended. I’m also not writing them because I have no certainty in my own beliefs. I’m not looking for a different religion. I just want to figure out how to make mine work.

So if any of these things sound like things you don’t want to read about… please don’t. 🙂

 

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